My week has been completely out of rhythm.

It started with being called because my mum had been rushed to hospital 24 hours away over in the UK. Quickly though, my brother let me know she was stable and that he’d keep me posted so I could make an informed decision at any time. After early morning phone calls every day to my dad, and middle of the night text updates from my brother, my routine naturally started to wobble. I craved great huge mugs of warm coffee, Andy’s cinnamon slices and starchy dinners of baked kumara wedges and hot tomato soup with fresh oregano and plenty of garlic.

The days went on and I’d be sitting at my desk in the office with a mind wandering to the cozy diners I’d sat in on various trips to the US. The sort of place where the waitress knows to keep quiet and just make regular refills of coffee in your mug. I dreamed it was dark sky outside and the only thing requiring my focus was the raindrops slipping down the window in front of me or the lights going by. And so I’d come home and recreate the scene myself. Except it didn’t start raining until today, but that’s okay. I watched the wind blowing the trees around and random pieces of television that I wouldn’t usually find myself absorbing.

Thankfully, my mum has since arrived home and we’ve spoken a few times. The day she arrived home was also the day I handed in my letter of resignation at work. I felt like I should have gone out celebrating, but instead I curled up in cafes and thought aloud with Andy in the evenings. I was too tired to genuinely enjoy anything else. It felt like an amazing relief though. I was able to nap and wake without a tension headache. I still feel a little slow from all the coffee I’ve supped, but I’m going to just revel in the feeling and enjoy it for all it is.

Blending a tomatillo salsa for today’s lunch.

I have tentatively started food blogging over at Emily Eats. I have a few plans for it, but being prone to procrastination I have decided to do as I did here and just jump in and know it’s a journey. I hope you will enjoy!

In recent weeks I’ve become more habitual with eating cleanly. It all started last July, when I quit eating soy. Well, I should say quit eating soy as far as I could, since it crops up in everything. I will also say that I am a little more lenient with eating soy sauce/nama shoyu since one only eats that in very small amounts and it’s also a fermented product. However, as soon as I quit the soy lattes (returning at that point to a standard full fat latte) I lost some weight, my mind became a little clearer and I felt more positive. I had been getting quite worried about myself. I’d be standing in a book store (quite normal for me) and I’d start to feel over heated, my heart would be beating hard and I’d have to start talking to myself to get through the ‘episode’. Not once did I think this could be linked to drinking soy milk. I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was being taught first hand what it was like to have a panic attack. It wasn’t until later that the soy link became apparent.

A few months ago I decided to say no to mainstream dairy. Once more I am being very general here – I never like absolutes. I just mean I don’t have it regularly or by default. In a fluster at a cafe one day I ordered a soy latte. The familiar taste was so enjoyable that I started to sneak in one or two soy lattes a week, seeking that familiar comfort. Sure enough, a fortnight later I had an episode come on. Standing in the food section of Borders, I joked with myself that my body was trying to get me out of buying more cookbooks!

Back home that evening I started to research soy, and was stunned at what I discovered. These symptoms are not just particular to me, but a whole host of other people. Soy is one of the top allergens in the world, and yet because it’s cheap, it’s found in everything. One random thing I read was that some 60% of food in American supermarkets contained soy. Sure enough when breezing through a supermarket here in New Zealand, the croissants contained soy flour! Our cookies contained soy! Even some of our flavored tea bags contained soy. It was a wake up call.

In the last few months since I’ve been very firmly an espresso or americano kind of girl (or a long black as we have in NZ), I can honestly say I have never felt better. Maybe pre-latte days were this good, but for at least the last few years, not at all. This discovery has also coincided with my mind recently being opened to Raw Cuisine.

I have learned that that phrase frightens some people. Try saying you had a raw soup to someone and then saying you had a gazpacho. There seems to be a certain stigma attached to it. However, I have been experimenting lately with raw cuisine variations on foods that would naturally be served raw, and have found some stunning alternatives to the traditional methods and flavors. I have also found that the very thought of a milky latte is just not appetizing any more. I feel far more satisfied eating and drinking foods that feel clean and light inside. I also feel very lucky to be free of the holding pattern I was once on (not to mention those ‘panic attacks’).

{{The photo above is of today’s lunch: a pineapple-cucumber-macadamia gazpacho}}

Most of the last few days have been passed from our couch or nearby. I have been clearing out. Getting rid of all that has passed it’s used by date in my life. Since lightening up our food and eating increasingly more raw foods, we have also started to clear out a lot of our possessions. I thought it would be something we’d do at the end of our time here – and an agonizing time it would be too. But no. We’re a few months early, and it’s going pretty well! Alongside this, I have had the urge to minimize in the bathroom also. Out with anything chemical, and in with natural soaps and moisturizers.
I had briefly discussed this with my coach – the need for clearing out. She said to keep the love, but clear the junk. It really is that simple.